Wine in the files

Feel free to wear rubber gloves for today's free for all post. A trawl through wine in the Epstein Files.

Dark Glasses

I wear the same watch as Osama bin Laden and use the same wine glasses as Ghislaine Maxwell. What is your “darkest” household item? These aren’t the only contenders in our house. Although they’re the only ones my wife will allow on display. The General Ratko Mladic fridge magnet is kept in a desk drawer. While Jimmy Savile’s autograph is in a sealed file in a locked box in the basement. Almost in fear of what forces it might unleash if exposed.

The Files

I know about the Ghislaine Maxwell/glasses thing because of the Epstein files. I have mixed feelings about trawling through the files. They’re effectively a crime scene. Should we comment on the quality of the terroir where a murder victim was buried? Or discuss the empties in Jimmy Savile’s bin? Even so, I held my nose long enough to do a search to for various wine-related words among the millions of documents. Which threw up this order from Ghislaine Maxwell for three boxes of Riedel Vinum glasses. Including the Bordeaux, red Burgundy, and Chardonnay/Montrachet glasses I have at home.

But they are far from the only references. The last time I checked the keyword count was…

wine - 2809

Champagne - 473

Pinot Grigio - 51

Sauvignon Blanc - 47

Merlot - 45

Moët - 30

Chardonnay - 19

Clicquot - 17

Cabernet - 12

Cabernet Sauvignon - 4

Jancis - 2

That caught you out didn’t it.

This is perhaps a textbook example of why news organisations always include the boilerplate line:

There is no suggestion that appearing in the documents implies any wrongdoing

Indeed it is hard to imagine someone LESS likely to appear in the whole business. And of course she isn’t. And this is one of the reasons there were those who were reluctant to release the Epstein files the way they have. Being (I believe) the only person in the world called “Jancis” makes you easy to search. And as it happens two emails in the files come from wine merchants who happened to have offers on The Oxford Companion to Wine tucked away at the bottom. As a result the Companion’s editor’s name has been digitised and catalogued within the file dump. A digital version of finding a piece of direct mail in a paedophile’s recycling. One wonder’s how many other people “appear” in the files thanks to an automated email offer. Fortunately Fattorini is also easy to search, and (so far) does not appear.

Claret is a colour. Sherry is a merchant. Petrus is a lawyer.

There are some notable wine-related words that do not appear. Or at least not in their wine form. In the very earliest release of the files the word “claret” didn’t appear at all. Maintaining its status as the drink of the gentleman. Now it does show up but only as a description of a colour. Sherry also crops up, but only because it is half of the name of the New York wine merchant Sherry Lehmann who occasionally had the misfortune to delivery to Epstein’s mansion. Syrah only appears once (in relation to some computer code) while Shiraz appears twice. Once as the surname of a mysterious Epstein introduction to an associate. The associate replies that his back surgeon is also called Shiraz, saying that appropriately both are “a pain in the ass”.

The finest wines available to humanity

I had imagined though that the files would be littered with references to “the finest wines available to humanity”. After all. If I was billionaire I know what I’d be drinking. And it would start with claret and sherry. It would then take in some of the best known names in wine. But the only references to Petrus I can find are to an American lawyer of the same name.

As the list above reveals, criminally-perverted billionaires and their friends appear to drink dull wine. There is a long and tedious exchange about exactly which Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc is preferred by (disgraced) banker Jes Staley:

So if you want to drink like Jes Staley it’ll cost you $14.00.

And what if you want to drink like all those people on yachts like this:

Or rather, actually on this specific yacht. Because emails from the shore support team tell us. Surely they’re enjoying fine and rare vintages selected with care and attention? Well… no.

So you’re getting a Duckhorn “white”. And Stags Leap “white and red”. Whatever they may be. And someone’s “Barbaressco”. And Veuve Cliquet rose Champagne. At least you know that the Pinot Noir is from La Crema. Lucky you. The same La Crema I saw last week running a paid for (if generally undeclared) Instagram influencer campaign. Although the influencers curiously missed out “as enjoyed by Jeffrey, Ghislaine, and their friends in the Caribbean”. Not all “celebrity” associations are helpful in wine.

Wine Spelling is hard

If you thought “Barbaressco”. And Veuve “Cliquet” were rare lapses, you’d be wrong. The word “charrdoney” appears nineteen times in the files. This reminds me of the early noughties UK television series “Footballers Wives”.

One of the characters (the one on the top left I think) was named “Chardonnay”. Which led to a huge spike in little girls being named Chardonnay the following year. Or not quite Chardonnay. I remember checking the records. Today more than half of those British women - now in their early twenties - are called Chardonnay but spelled incorrectly.

The inevitable rosé

Ah yes. Eagle-eyed readers may have spotted that there was no still rosé in that yacht manifest. Surely there would be a rosé? Well you’re right. It’s on the next page. And any guesses as to which one?

Of course. Whispering Angel. What else? As enjoyed also by the female members of the Duchy of York¹. As relayed on the Chateau d’Esclans website,in a story that brings out my inner Nicky Haslam:

Sarah Ferguson comes to d’Esclans to pay her respects when she’s staying at a friend’s château nearby. She and her daughters, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, like [Whispering Angel] so much that they sent Lichine a pair of angel wings as a thank you. They sit on a desk in the salon, beneath a stuffed moose’s head and across from a downstairs loo handpainted with flamingos

I have a lot of time for Sacha Lichine, the createur of Whispering Angel. A lot of people would be terrified of this sort of association. But I suspect he’d far from unhappy. Last time I looked the story was still on the estate’s website. In spite of it being covered in The Times and (in a totally ripped off piece) The Daily Mail.

Who is redacted? And why?

This is one of the more curious artefacts:

It’s a menu from a dinner (possibly at Thomas Keller - although that’s only on the basis of the font and layout thanks to Andy Lynes “menu detective”). But why has one wine name - a Sauternes - been redacted? Any ideas?

This is literally the last thing we wanted to happen

You can imagine that appearing in the “files” is the last thing wine PR companies want. Maybe La Crema’s influencer campaign is an attempt to “get ahead of the story”?

But curiously in all this there isn’t actually evidence that Epstein drank much. (His pal Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor doesn’t drink at all.) Although there are photos of wine poured for Peter (“Lord”) Mandelson at various occasions. But that’s not stopped the conspiracy theorists. I spotted this florid illustration recently on one of the darker corners of the internet:

Have a closer look to the right though…

…and wine is clearly seen as the beverage of choice for the man at the heart of some notional WEF conspiracy.

Or is he?

He’s only poured one glass. The files show Epstein buying a lot of wine. And presumably dull, predictable wine at that. But not much evidence of him drinking it. Maybe his own glass is empty. Maybe the full one is for Laura Loomer behind him and her goat’s skull?

Or maybe it’s time to stop trawling through the Epstein Files. Perhaps this is just leading to all sorts of conspiratorial nonsense. These are simply random connections. I mean it’s not as though Bill Clinton served a wine to Ghislaine Maxwell (at Chelsea’s wedding) that come from a vineyard now owned by Donald Trump who bought over the head of Jeffrey Epstein…

What?

You mean that’s true…

1. Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor does not drink.